Anger

If my anger had been an earthquake it would have been off the charts and the area declared a disaster zone. I was five months shy of my 16th birthday, married with a 3 month old baby. I had serious anger issues and this particular day there was no holding back.

The next thing I remember was looking at broken glass all over our tiny apartment. We didn’t have much and I had just destroyed most of what we had. I stormed out of the apartment and left my 18 year old husband shocked and in a daze at what he had just witnessed.

I was insecure and jealous, he had just told me he had to work late and I didn’t believe him. I flew down the stairs to the parking lot, jumped in his 58 Ford and kicked the dash in.

My cheeks blush with shame as I recall that out-of-control 15 year old wife and mother. It is only by the grace of God that I’m not sitting in a prison cell.

That was 45 years ago and only the beginning of my spiraling out of control. To make a long story short, that marriage lasted 16 years and ended in divorce.

My anger was deep rooted from a childhood filled with confusion and sexual abuse. In those days things were kept hidden. I had stuffed years of anger into my wounded soul and suddenly it spilled over and it seemed there was no turning back.

Last night in our Thursday evening get-together, after looking at some of the parables we started talking about anger. Our group has been meeting close to three years. We share a bond that is indescribable and they know just about all the ‘ugly’ stuff there is to know about me. The fact that they still love me is AMAZING. Someone asked me how I learned to control my anger. I answered that I was so afraid of my anger, so afraid of going to jail that I made up my mind I had to stop my explosive outbursts. I was truly afraid of killing someone or hurting my children.

It didn’t happen overnight and I had help along the way. God is an amazing God and he has put some incredible people in my life.

A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control. Prov 29:11