The Black Mark in the Baptistery

When I was nine, I lived in Shawnee OK and we attended church at 10th and Bell Streets. Frank Smith was the preacher. I remember the building as very large and very pretty. I especially remember the clouds painted in the baptistery. One of the clouds was shadowed underneath with a light black mark.

In one of his sermons I remember Mr. Smith pointing to that black mark and saying “every time we tell a lie, every time we sin, every time we disobey our parents, God puts a black mark next to our name in the book of life”. That didn’t set well with my nine year old way of thinking. I didn’t want any black marks in my book. It certainly made an impression as I am remembering it now in my 60’s.

If my recollection is correct it was that same summer we had a ‘revival’ and while I can’t remember the speakers name, I recall that he was blind and every so powerful in speech. He preached one of those Hell Fire and Brimstone sermons and by the time he finished and we were singing the invitation song, my legs took on a mind of their own. Next thing I know I was sitting on the front pew wanting to be baptized. My folks didn’t have a clue that I was going to walk down that aisle and really, I didn’t either. I just remember I didn’t want to go to hell and I wanted those ‘black marks’ erased from my book.

Sadly events happened that same year which changed me for years to come. My life became a mixed bag of emotions. I became victim to sexual abuse (which extended over three years) and I was stricken with rheumatic fever and had to miss an entire year of school.

My way of escape during that time was to crawl inside myself and ‘remove’ myself from reality. It was my way of surviving. In later years I chose a path of drugs, alcohol and self-destruction-

I had a book full of black marks

The remainder of that year and years to follow I was able to block many of those memories, that is, until I reached my forties and the flood gates of my mind released them with a fury. I’ll save that story for another time.